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Archive for the ‘prescience’ Category

Homunculi

A truly astounding series of German condom advertisements are making the rounds this morning—each features a sketch of a sperm made to look like Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden or Mao Zedong. Their not so subtle message being, “Better wrap it up… unless you want to bring evil into the world!”

On one hand, these ads make perfect sense due to their exploiting the potent Schuldgefühl–or guilty feeling–that is such an important part of German culture. On the other hand, Schuldgefühl was borne out of WWII and the Holocaust, and is one reason why joshin’ about that silly vegetarian painter called Hitler just doesn’t play in Germany even now.

Even scooping Hitler out of the pool, however, the ads pronounce an inscrutable message. Are sperm inherently evil, or just the sperm contributing to unplanned pregnancies? If someone is impregnated with these seeds of destruction, is it game over right then, or will some extra hugs in childhood purge the perversity? What is the cost to humanity of sheathing the good sperm? And most importantly, does the fact that sperm can be mustachioed or sport a turban indicate the prescience of Nicolaas Hartsoeker?

HT: Paul, who surprises me with his interest in prophylactics of the world

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Predictions are hard, especially about the future, but I have proved my worth. Here’s what I said two weeks ago:

My keen observation of the ruling American zeitgeist in the past few months permits me to make the following predictions vis-à-vis Halloween costumes:

  • For the ladies, the most desired will be Sarah Palin.
  • For the gentle-men, the most desired will be the Joker.

And what to my wondering eyes does appear, but a newspaper headline with a validation most clear:

Looking for Halloween ideas? Joker and Palin costumes are hot

To be honest, I suspected I had powers of clairvoyance ever since a woman vaguely resembling Roma Downey bumped up against me on a Germany subway, but now I’m sure of it and must give warning:

Stan Lazarus, of Muncie, Indiana: today, you and Phil from accounts receivable will decide on Scotty’s Brewhouse for lunch and hop in your truck. As you make the turn out of the Duffy Tool parking lot onto Kilgore, Phil will try to turn the radio on. DO NOT LET HIM DO THIS! You accidentally left the volume on after rocking to the oldies on WERK 104.9 last night, and when Phil switches the radio on, the Righteous Brothers’ version of Unchained Melody will come on with such force that you will involuntarily jerk the wheel and clip the curb, taking out a traffic sign and doing several thousand dollars worth of damage to the grill and chassis of your Ram.

Also, Scotty’s will overcook your burger, so order it rare.

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